Making Friends in a New City: Realistic Ways to Beat Loneliness

Why does moving feel so lonely?

Moving to a new city is exciting: new streets, a new job or school, a fresh start. But once the excitement of the first weeks wears off, most people notice the same thing: weekends get long and there's no one to call in the evening. This is a very common experience and doesn't mean you're "not social".

As adults, friendships don't form by themselves. At school we spent time with the same people every day without planning; in adult life, that repetition has to be created on purpose.

The hidden formula of friendship: repetition and time

Friendships mostly grow out of seeing the same people again and again. It's hard to bond with someone you met once; with someone you see every week at the same class, gym or café, conversation starts on its own. That's why regular small meetups work better than one-off big events.

Patience matters too. It takes weeks, sometimes months, for a new acquaintance to become a friend. It's normal for the first few meetings to stay on the surface.

Where to start

Pick one or two regular activities and keep them up for at least a few months. If you choose something that fits your interests, you'll enjoy it and meet people who like similar things.

• Weekly classes: languages, dance, ceramics, cooking, a musical instrument.
• Team sports and running groups: a shared goal makes conversation easier.
• Volunteering: joining an association, an animal shelter or a neighbourhood event.
• Book clubs, game nights, photo walks.
• Becoming a regular at a café, library or market in your neighbourhood.

How apps and the internet can help

Friend-finding apps and interest communities make the first step easier in a new city. Meeting people through shared interests, where you live and a similar way of thinking is far less tiring than starting random conversations in a crowd.

On Hemdem you can filter Discover by country, language, age and distance, and personality tests show you people who answered similarly. Seeing the 24-hour notes people nearby leave on the Trails map is also a fun way to sense the city's mood. But an app only opens the door; the friendship itself is built through repeated, in-person meetings.

Taking the first step

Most people wait for someone else to make the first move. So being the one who starts a conversation or says "Shall we grab a coffee this week?" makes a big difference. Rejection can feel scary, but most people are glad to get such an invitation; and if not, it isn't personal.

Make invitations concrete: instead of "Let's meet sometime", saying "Shall we meet at that café on Saturday afternoon?" makes the plan far more likely to happen.

Keeping it going

Once you've connected with someone new, small gestures feed the friendship: remembering something they mentioned, letting them know when you see an interesting event, asking how they are with a short message. Friendship grows from mutual interest, not one person's constant effort; but someone has to make the first move.

• Send a short message to one person every week.
• Join a new activity at least once a month.
• Introduce the people you meet to each other; that's how a small circle forms.

Don't forget safety

When meeting someone from the internet for the first time, choose a busy place you know, arrange your own transport and tell a friend where you are. Don't share your address and daily routine until you know the person. If someone bothers you, don't hesitate to use the block and report tools in the app.

Be kind to yourself

Settling into a new city takes time; some weeks will feel lonelier than others. That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. With small steps, regular activities and patience, one day you'll notice there are people texting you "What are you up to tonight?"